Anxiety: how did I let myself slip?

Right now I would describe myself well within anxiety’s clutches. And I can’t see an escape. 

But how did I let this happen?

I watched myself get worse every day, but I brushed it off. It’s not anxiety, I’m just a “worrier”. I would fight and fight against my own thoughts until I couldn’t fight anymore. It’s not anxiety. It’s not anxiety.

So I really do blame myself for slipping into anxiety’s welcoming embrace. I saw all the signs and couldn’t stop myself. I didn’t get help when I should’ve, I was ignorant.

And I guess that’s what I want to just send out a warning about. If I’d have seen a friend or family member going through or exhibiting the same symptoms I often experience, I would’ve sought help so quickly. So why is it different for my own brain? Do I not deserve the help? “Treat your body like a temple” and all that crap.

I was lucky in that I saw myself slipping. People often don’t. And I still didn’t do anything about it. So please, anyone out there debating whether to say something to their friends and family about how they’re feeling, debating whether to book that doctors appointment, do it. 

Now is the time to fight.

World War Three: Anxiety vs Reality

Some days I’m so good with myself.

“You’re being absolutely ridiculous.”

“That’s never going to happen.”

And I carry on with my day.

At the moment those days seem few and far between.

Anxiety and reality are in a constant battle. Everything around you is telling you that everything is fine. Your friends, family, your environment. Everything is fine.

……so why am I panicking.

Because anxiety is speeding towards reality with guns blazing. Nothing is fine. You’re in real danger, anxiety screams. Run.

Anxiety tears you in half inside. Mental torture. You know everything’s fine. You know it. But what if it’s not? Something is telling me it’s not.

Your brain is working overtime over the simplest of things. Stepping outside. Making a drink. Watching a film. Basic activities are made into unachievable goals whilst the war continues in your head.

And that. That. Is why I’m exhausted.